The University of Connecticut’s feathered friends from the Poultry Farm hatched a plan to escape the complex early on Thursday morning.
According to the College of Agriculture, Health and Natural Resources website, the UConn Poultry Farm has been a feature of the UConn campus since the 1940’s. Though operations have always been fairly routine, the chickens heard they were next in line for South’s buffalo chicken wraps, prompting them to fly the coop, literally, in an act of rebellion.
This rumor, though unconfirmed, was started by the University’s squirrel population. At the beginning of her term, former UConn President Susan Herbst opted to install a squirrel security camera system. In an interview with SUWH Radio, an affiliate of WHUS, Herbst allegedly said that she preferred security squirrels over security pigeons, as the campus’ strong winds would affect the pigeon’s performance.
In the spirit of Wallace and Gromit’s “Chicken Run,” the chickens apparently managed to assemble and fly a small plane through a window. They then proceeded to hijack UConn President Thomas Katsouleas’ Tesla, stopping for ice cream at the Dairy Bar before heading towards the center of campus. After driving across the seal, they drove up the stairs and crashed directly into the brand new Homer Babbidge Library staircase, ditched the car and ran to the Student Union.
The chickens were wished a “supe dupe” day as they boarded the elevator, witnesses said, and were scattered throughout the building. Some ended up disrupting the FM signal at WHUS Radio, others got themselves iced coffees at Dunkin’ and a few simply exited the building and crossed the road.
“Nothing like this has ever happened at the University before,” said University spokessquirrel Peg Kupek. “But because UConn has been developing their STEM programs so much in recent years, it’s not surprising that we saw an increase in the chickens’ IQ.”
UConn CAHNR faculty and students have been dispatched to retrieve the flock, though students have been warned to be on the lookout.
The strange events happening on campus aren’t over yet, as a massive flash flood swept through North dorms and caused a power outage at the Torrey Life Sciences building. It simultaneously began snowing, and someone was reportedly seen skiing down Busby Hill.
“This has surely been one of the strangest days in the history of the University,” said Professor Donna Pupek in an email sent out to students later on in the day. “It’s definitely an interesting start to the month of April here on the Storrs Campus.”
April Fools!